life – moiettoi

Traveling together

R: I have been told that you don’t know someone until you go travelling together. During October, Lucas and I went to Lombok and Bali in Indonesia. We really had a great time. I preferred Lombok, we had a great experience there. We did yoga, and breathwork, and a practice called Family Constellations, an elemental cacao ceremony, great food, and some beautiful time together. I started to make a list of sweet things that Lucas has done for me:

He walks closest to the road to protect me.
He says ‘I don’t look at other girls’.
He spoke lovingly about me with others at the Family Constellation session (which was vulnerable for both of us).
He remembers my morning routines with pinpoint accuracy.
He knows what to expect with my monthly cycle.
He asked some French girls for some sanitary pads for me because they are very difficult to find in Lombok and expensive!
He feeds me chips.
He makes sure I have enough coffee.
He looks at me lovingly.
He offered me his own underwear and handkerchief when I got my period haha.

Its fair to say that I very much enjoyed travelling with him.

L: Uluwatu, Bali: It’s been a couple of weeks (again) since the last writing activity. Now we are connecting with our story telling, for the first time we are sitting together to lay down some content. Maybe I should say that we are making an attempt to, as technology is being fancy and seemingly not letting us access to what we intend to. Creative energy and modern technology aren’t always a match, something to remember. In the meantime we try to do what can be done with the available resources.

I am writing down these few lines meanwhile Rebekah is spreading cards on the bed for a draw and channel some guidance for the day. Important thing to note, she is running at the moment on one (Bali) coffee only.. She is doing so well handling the frustration. Maybe it is time to get re-caffeinated before any further manoeuvre.

A challenging week

It has been a challenging week. My child has had some challenges. I’m putting it out to the universe that they will find their place. I’m here, and so are many who love him. I see he has an army of guides and angels behind him.

This has happened while I’ve been premenstrual and now menstrual, a low energy part of my cycle, so I’m extra tired. I’ve been grateful for the support around me, my parents, my friends, and my Love. It’s a challenge for me because I like to do things on my own, to make sure that I can do things on my own. However, the village is always there when I need it and I really appreciate it. So much.

There has been progress on the visa application, which is promising. And there have been times of light throughout the dark, and I am grateful.

Lucas

We are now getting closer. The visa application we submitted in early August has been denied for the work side of it. After making a few modifications and providing some more documents to the Immigration, we have finally been granted a Visitor Visa, which will allow us to live together for a decent amount of time while we gather the missing pieces to fit into the partnership work visa.

This is already a win for us, this journey is teaching us to receive, appreciate and be grateful for the small steps.

I guess a part of what we are experiencing now is to work on the will to receive without having expectations and cultivate gratitude regardless. Without expectations, no frustration, right ? Easy to say, beautiful to read. For a human being incarnated in this life, what exercise to practice..

Wisdom teaching from the Universe is most certainly humbling.

On a different note, we have booked our first trip together!

I am ready

Lucas

This past week has been hectic.. Right now, I feel like sitting in silence for the next 10 upcoming days.

We finalized the application for the partnership visa. Few documents and medical checkups were missing, we now complied with everything so far and the application is getting processed by the Immigration services.

The following event was to reach out to Rebekah’s father.

Her parents are struggling to accept me. Why ? Because of my age. The pace of our relationship raises concerns and worries. Love happening too fast.. Is it a thing ?

Seeing Rebekah torn between judgments and resentment from her parents I asked her what could I do in this situation.

She said : « what just sprung up is a bit weird, but you could talk to my dad »

(See messages shared in Groundless)

I already wanted to a few weeks ago, when still in New Zealand, to get a chance to open myself to them and pour my heart out.

I can put myself in their shoes and understand quite a lot. The only thing I’m asking for is a chance to be myself, to have time and space to show myself loud and clear before getting judged or facing resentment..

Who knows.. In their hearts, deep down themselves they might have already welcomed me.

Time will tell.

I Surrender.

The conversation with Rebekah’s father is leading towards a phone call. At the moment it’s logistically complicated to organize a conversation face to face as I remain in Australia.

The last main event (but not least), is my work situation. The place I’m working for at the moment has changed a lot and seemingly lost some human values. I don’t recognize it anymore.

I feel some strong guidance here. Entering a shifting process that is opening the path towards my goals. I feel this period of change as a message from the Universe. It is time for an internal change and here are the prémisses.

Connect with my aim, surrender to my Intention.

I feel in the right place at the right time even though it’s a challenging position.

Shift operates for me to get rid of something to allow something better, greater, more aligned to come into my life.

My intention is to get out of the thoroughbred industry to focus on equine therapy. Healing with Horses.

Time to adapt. To find myself and feel myself.

The last time I experienced a similar shifting situation was a few days before I met Rebekah.. It led me to meet the Love of my Life.

It’s happening, we are growing, evolving, and it is happening fast.

I AM READY.

Bex

Wow… that’s a hard act to follow. So much internal navigation and reflection. I Love than man. I reflect on my journey, and conditioning. My mind has been worried about our Love not being accepted by people, my family in particular. It’s hard to describe how brave I think Lucas is for taking a step towards my parents. I feel that devotion and commitment deeply. I think that some of my fears about our relationship are being mirrored by my Mum and Dad, they have a deep love for me. Gabby Bernstein in her book Super Attractor emphasises that the energy we carry—especially fear—attracts matching experiences. If we have a fear of abandonment, failure, or unworthiness, we may unconsciously attract situations that reinforce those feelings, even in loving relationships. This is a big piece of inner work for me.

I have started a new job, and I have been reflecting on what should be my priorities for the first three months. And in addition to that, ensure that Lucas and I are working towards achieving what we must achieve in this life together. I figure that we surrender together and keep doing our inner work.

A question I have asked myself today, reflecting on the teachings of Dr Wayne Dyer, is how can I best serve the Universe?

Part of serving the Universe is being relentlessly true to myself, and my Knowing. I don’t know what the future holds. I know that not everyone will “get it”, and that’s ok. That really is ok. I surrender.

I know I am drawn to supporting women, and have always found opportunities to do this. I know I want to celebrate women, and provide insights and tools for long term health through the woman lifecycle. I know I want to create a sanctuary and space for people to safely retreat, and heal.

This is not a very funny blog entry, and we are not teasing each other about creatine or procrastinating, or losing each other at the airport, we are not working through any deep personal emotions, yet we are working through how we fit in the world as individuals and as a unit.

I AM READY TOO

Hide and seek

Friday afternoon, Rebekah is landing in 15 minutes. Message from her, my heart skips a beat, is she already there?? Have I missed her walking out the airport’s gates ???

No, I’m still on time, just a message that says she’s flying over Melbourne. She’s so close to land!! As I’m about to get dropped at the airport I look up and see a plane approaching the tarmac for landing. Think to myself. I think I saw your plane just now, you might be flying over my head.

Get dropped on time, the only thing I have to do now is wait for her to walk out the gates.

I am highly excited, I can’t wait to wrap my arms around her.

She texts and describes in detail how the airport sucks from lack of efficiency in the passport lanes.

I’ve seen every single passenger of every single plane that landed in the last hour walking out of these gates but her..

In an attempt to make her laugh and cope with the inefficient lanes I tease her with a few jokes, such as “did you have too many coffees or is it good ol’Bertha?”. Bertha is the name of her PMS…. Response:

You’re brave..

Throat tightens, have I awakened the beast?..

I focus on the gate, she’s walking out any moment now. But wait a second, there is another gate which other people come out of.

If I stop looking for a split second she’s gonna walk out, and if I’m staring at the wrong door I’m gonna miss her! What should I do?

No time to think, phone beeps again “where are you?”

No way, she hasn’t walked out yet, I scanned every single person walking before my eyes.

A dramatic scene is about to unfold here..

“I’m out, where are you?”

Mission failed, how could I have not noticed her walking out? She must have flown under the radar..

Phone rings :

– “Where are you?”

– “I’m standing by the gate waiting for you to walk out”.

– “I AM out” (describes where she is and it looks like exactly where I am too)

– “Do you see this person with the welcome sign?”

– “Yes I’m right next to him!”

I managed to identify her (finally) as I walked towards the sign, and then it hit me. She is so tiny that I couldn’t see her before the guy’s sign was hiding her.

I couldn’t see her walk out the gate because of her tininess. Someone walking beside her must have hidden her in a way that I couldn’t see.

That plus focusing on the joke making was a very efficient way to miss out on her..

So there is a tutorial if you ever wonder ‘how to miss your partner walking out of the airport’, results guaranteed.

Bex

Yes, it was hilarious that he didn’t see me walk out, perhaps I walked too fast or was camouflage.

This just makes for another fun memory for us. Over the past few months I have learnt to open up to a man like I never have before, this is the power of both of us being vulnerable and totally surrendering to Love. Scary? Fuck yes.

In a strange dynamic world, I have also had this dual experience happening where I have been grieving a marriage break up; house move and sale; trying to manage on my own. But more importantly, trying to navigate a sad daughter and a pushing-the-limits son. The son is coming into his own a bit and I see him stretching his creative wings, his independence, and starting to trust himself that he is good and has good ideas. I am teaching him to Love himself and I’m teaching him that adults are people too. We make mistakes, we hurt, we grieve, we get back up.

The daughter I’m trying to support with Love and fully accepting her journey, she finds it hard to accept the break up, and finds it hard to accept Lucas. This is obviously completely normal and understandable for a child. I sometimes feel as though I’m knocking on a glass door trying to reach her. I can see her, but not hold that little hurt spirit in a healing way. My intention is to continue to heal myself and to share all the Love and learning with her, and show her what it means to Love herself, by loving myself.

Lucas has good insight and we talk through everything, even when it’s confronting and painful, especially then…

And mostly I realise that he is the person I want to talk to the most.

We hope that perhaps everyone gets to experience Love like this in their lifetime.

Here we are, after months of wondering about starting a blog to share our adventures, it is finally time to take a deep breath a get typing..

Lucas:

To get some context here and set the picture, I am writing these words on FaceTime to Rebekah who’s actually in the shower while I am having a mildly cold soup directly from the pot. Right now she is brushing her teeth and waving at me. Yes, she is mesmerizing.. The cutest, she is trying her best to say something, trying to articulate during flossing. But there it is, nothing is impossible, information came through: The water in the shower is finally warm.

I guess the famous saying makes full sense here, sharing is caring.

Out of the furnace now, she is back on screen red as a lobster.

The happiest person in the world to show me how loose her jammies pants are, combined with the storytelling about the said jammies falling down mid legs while lecturing a bunch of stoned teenagers yesterday evening..

She is now summoning me for the 23rd time over the last two minutes and a half to share the writing so she can put it on a google doc..

To be continued

So, « WE » is Rebekah 45 (New Zealand woman) and Lucas 27 years old (Frenchman)…

Bex:

We met at a Yoga practice, once briefly, and the next week more intensely. The rest is history.

It felt like we had known each other forever. It felt like we had lived lives together before. We have been inseparable in spirit ever since.

For now though, we are managing a long distance reality. He came to New Zealand for two months to visit me. I thought between marriage breakup, a really edgy fourteen year old son, an anxious ten year old daughter, and a big full time job in Health Management, AND unsure family members, that he would run for the hills. Now we are trying to work out the partners visa process.

He has accepted the challenge and I think there is some pathology there, but I am grateful he has. He is calm, and funny, and moody, and solid, and insightful, and willing to work through challenging conversations brought about by conditioning, and he is great at communicating.

Lucas :

She is solar, determined in any matter she undertakes, some would define it at “stubbornness”, I would certainly agree.

Other than that she independent and vulnerable, brave and courageous (expect when it’s about eating kidneys which are very good for health, but we’ll get back on this topic later on).

I could go rambling on and describe her for pages but that wouldn’t even the way she is seen within my heart. I’ll get straight to the point.

Most of all she is a Witch, she has always been. Not the kind of witch with a hairy pimple on her nose with a scary scraped hat, but the kind that casts spells to make your day brighter. Her magic wand spreads smiles everywhere she goes, anyone who interacts with her sees his life changed forever. Her hands are soft from crafting mixtures in her cauldron, her favorite one is commonly known as chicken salad). What about her flying broom.. It’s parked in the garage, she hopped on it every single morning but stays immobile (I think she forgot to put it in gear..) Whether it’s a flying broom or a simple fixed ground cross trainer, seeing the smile on her face when hopping on it undeniably makes my day.

Oh, one last thing, the whole cross trainer ritual happens before I even wake up..

Being pathological is the best turn of events that could have ever happened to me..

Has the witch cast an insanity spell on me ? I guess we’ll never know, I am happy, and evenly, grateful the way it is.

–

Bex:

In my defence about the face is red from the sauna, not the hot shower..

He was looking so pleased with himself as he was writing. Now I see why.

He doesn’t tell you how he spent at least half an hour telling me to eat kidneys and liver because they are good for my kidneys, and not to eat protein supplements or creatine because they are evil white powder….

Lucas :

Indeed, I couldn’t describe how much of a titanic task it is to intend taking some sense into Rebekah. Taking white powder EVERY DAY, made of residual ground dead cows feels somehow healthier and more appropriate than having actual meat full of iron, protein, collagen and other nutrients..

Her defense ? Science.

Science says it’s good, let take it !

Same science that said a few years ago that creatine had a terrible incidence on kidneys.. Start feeling the irony of it ?

Anyway, she took a step towards me admitting she’d be willing to have kidneys with me. I was asking for once a week to reduce the incidence of the evil white powder, she conceded to once in a lifetime. What a bargain..

I guess one day I’ll unfortunately have a chance to quote the worldwide famous Doctor in Physics S. Cooper.

“I told you so” saying mortified as entering the surgery theatre to operate a kidney transplant and get her a fresh new one.

Unconditional Love, right ?

Bex:

Haha, this is a learning and teaching moment for both of us. Expect a literature review on the benefits of protein and creatine for long term health coming your way.

It is fortunate that he is my best friend and I love talking to him about everything. We are good at working through things together, and we realise that we are humans with conditioning and histories that make us who we are today.