Traveling together

R: I have been told that you don’t know someone until you go travelling together. During October, Lucas and I went to Lombok and Bali in Indonesia. We really had a great time. I preferred Lombok, we had a great experience there. We did yoga, and breathwork, and a practice called Family Constellations, an elemental cacao ceremony, great food, and some beautiful time together. I started to make a list of sweet things that Lucas has done for me:

  1. He walks closest to the road to protect me.
  2. He says ‘I don’t look at other girls’.
  3. He spoke lovingly about me with others at the Family Constellation session (which was vulnerable for both of us).
  4. He remembers my morning routines with pinpoint accuracy.
  5. He knows what to expect with my monthly cycle.
  6. He asked some French girls for some sanitary pads for me because they are very difficult to find in Lombok and expensive!
  7. He feeds me chips.
  8. He makes sure I have enough coffee.
  9. He looks at me lovingly.
  10. He offered me his own underwear and handkerchief when I got my period haha.

Its fair to say that I very much enjoyed travelling with him.

L: Uluwatu, Bali: It’s been a couple of weeks (again) since the last writing activity. Now we are connecting with our story telling, for the first time we are sitting together to lay down some content. Maybe I should say that we are making an attempt to, as technology is being fancy and seemingly not letting us access to what we intend to. Creative energy and modern technology aren’t always a match, something to remember. In the meantime we try to do what can be done with the available resources. 

I am writing down these few lines meanwhile Rebekah is spreading cards on the bed for a draw and channel some guidance for the day. Important thing to note, she is running at the moment on one (Bali) coffee only.. She is doing so well handling the frustration. Maybe it is time to get re-caffeinated before any further manoeuvre.

Catching up

Today is the 6th of October, I have been in New Zealand 13 days. It has been two weeks since we started living together, permanently.

Throwback to my last few weeks in Australia prior moving in :

The last couple of weeks while still in Australia were challenging. They were filled with a lot of incertainty, emotional imbalance, therefore being easily irritated. 

Had my flights booked about three weeks in advance for the 23rd of September. At a time where I could witness Rebekah undergoing through the process of burning out : challenges coming with a new VERY busy role, agitated altercations at home with teenager, unsettled younger child and lack of sleep on top of that. Me ? On the other side of the phone, across the Tasman Sea, what could I do ? One and only solution came to mind, to drop everything and run home to her. I think that when I first suggested it to her it amplified the unsettlement and raised abruptly some worries that were still unconscious at that time. After a couple of days giving her time to think about it, suppressing the precipitated character on the matter she mentioned feeling relieved by my proposal of coming sooner. 

We came up with the plan that I could come around mid September. My manager needed me to cover some weekend work while he was away for family purposes. He has been good to me since we first worked together in a previous workplace and I couldn’t refuse or let him down on the matter.

Rebekah stood from a place of compassion and understanding on the situation, we agreed that I would then fly in on the 23rd of September. 

That leaves us with two weeks remaining apart from each other. Those felt the most unsettling for me. I was seeing Rebekah slowly recovering from the edging burn out but in the meantime keeping herself overly busy. 

From my point of view it felt like she intended to maintain a highly busy life for fear of connecting and embracing the soon to be living together. Looking at her daily life I wondered how and where I could fit in there.. She had everything organized, moving on track and I was gonna land in there shaking the balance she achieved ON HER OWN since I left in June. 

It gave me an opportunity to become aware of another aspect of my conditioning, putting my finger on heavy triggers. The heaviest one being the hard time I’ve had in my life to set boundaries for myself and to get others to respect these boundaries. Having experienced it since early stages of life and reckoning the mirror effect in Rebekah on some aspect of daily scenes contributed to this anxiety of being transparent. 

It felt like there was a struggle to communicate. It was hard to find time on both ends where we’d both be available. I remember being heavily triggered as I felt I had to put my life on “hold” to compromise to be able to talk while being present with each other. This at that time was a never-ending loop. The heavy trigger there was that it happened before in past relationships to have a perception that whatever I was doing was less important or less of a priority that the other person. Every time I was facing the same pattern occurring in a relationship, my different partners would come up with the same sort of justification and  excuses. That what they were doing was more important or more of a priority and they could compromise on it. So this is what the situation brought up for me, the topic would become a source of conflict. 

To add on top of everything the fact that we didn’t see each other for about two months. Missing Rebekah was a daily struggle, especially knowing that we would soon be together, it was like time could move fast enough.. 

During a conversation she said something innocently that would brighten up everything and bring me back to myself, to my Masculine. 

It was a couple of days before leaving Australia, we were talking about something that I don’t recall and she mentioned “Something in you is out of alignment”. This simple quote was in fact the whole answer to my unsettlement. I was living ahead of my time, worrying about “ifs” and tomorrow when I couldn’t be Here and Now. Yes, I completely forgot about Today, about living in the present moment. I did prioritize my head to think over my heart of feel. 

It changed the whole perception about the situation and it was divine timing, because then  it was time to feel my way to New Zealand.

 A new lifestyle, finding my marks in the house, within the family.

The Obstacle is the Path?

L: Here we go.. haven’t even started our collaborative writing that I am already getting told off., ‘Are you drinking caffeinated tea after 6pm??’

B: Well…. Sleep protocols are important

L: Date is set : 23rd of September. I am moving to New Zealand 

I started writing the first couple of lines of this blog waiting for Rebekah who’s having dinner. We decided to write this one together.

In the meantime I’m going through my phone while listening to my favorite French singer, a medley of his 50 most beautiful songs. 

Going through my pictures from a couple of years ago I came across the ones I took on the Pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela. It is a real pleasure to revive these memories as specific events happened every day. 

Walking long distances (weeks long I mean), is a meditative life changing experience.. 

Reflecting on how much I would love to have a walking experience with Rebekah and write about it as a journaling exercise..

Bex:

I would love to do a long walk somewhere, maybe even just start somewhere with no destination in mind. 

This past weekend has been another internal journey of sorts. I attended a beginners Reiki course. Strong Universal guidance was coming through for me that the Universe Does Not Get It Wrong, and that The Obstacle is the Path. I have had a bout of laryngitis since last Thursday, and have not been able to talk easily. During the course I had three coughing fits at inopportune times, once during meditation, once during attunement, and once during our shared Reiki session. I feel as if my body is catching up with all the inner work that I have been doing and my Throat Chakra, my voice and identity is still being worked on. The Obstacle is the Path seems like a message that I need to figure out. Our dream is to write, run retreats, run online businesses, live on a farm in the woods near the beach, with my Children, a Dog and other animals. So is the Obstacle my current work? Is the Obstacle the location? Is the Obstacle finances? So many thoughts and learning.

L: This is a dream we share, we have a mutual vision towards our future and projects. I would add to the goals manifestation, a life punctuated by travels: exploration of ancient Sacred sites, meeting different cultures’ wisdom to feed on to integrate to our Inner discovery.  Soul journeys incorporated into Human incarnation to write about… Transcribing the content of these tales alongside my Soulmate might even be a life purpose? The manifestation of our projects is to start to work on this right now. It is an everyday process, everyday is a new step towards our goals. 

B: How do we get there? Stay tuned while we figure it out…

A challenging week

It has been a challenging week. My child has had some challenges. I’m putting it out to the universe that they will find their place. I’m here, and so are many who love him. I see he has an army of guides and angels behind him.

This has happened while I’ve been premenstrual and now menstrual, a low energy part of my cycle, so I’m extra tired. I’ve been grateful for the support around me, my parents, my friends, and my Love. It’s a challenge for me because I like to do things on my own, to make sure that I can do things on my own. However, the village is always there when I need it and I really appreciate it. So much.

There has been progress on the visa application, which is promising. And there have been times of light throughout the dark, and I am grateful.

Lucas 

We are now getting closer. The visa application we submitted in early August has been denied for the work side of it. After making a few modifications and providing some more documents to the Immigration, we have finally been granted a Visitor Visa, which will allow us to live together for a decent amount of time while we gather the missing pieces to fit into the partnership work visa. 

This is already a win for us, this journey is teaching us to receive, appreciate and be grateful for the small steps. 

I guess a part of what we are experiencing now is to work on the will to receive without having expectations and cultivate gratitude regardless. Without expectations, no frustration, right ? Easy to say, beautiful to read. For a human being incarnated in this life, what exercise to practice.. 

Wisdom teaching from the Universe is most certainly humbling. 

On a different note, we have booked our first trip together!

Mirrors and triggers

We have had a challenging conversation around an upcoming trip, and the rationale for me having made it shorter than what Lucas would like. This was difficult because I am really looking forward to this trip to Bali, it will be a good amount of time for us to spend together alone, the longest time I’ve had alone on a trip with a man for many years! I’m sure we’ll work through this, however I don’t want to have everything my way, I genuinely want to be able to work through things.

What I am discovering in myself is a softness that I have never had in a relationship before. I am not as determined to be so independent anymore. While I am still myself, I find myself wanting to make decisions together and asking for his opinion and advice.

Following the course of events that happened recently have been a bit of a marathon. Although through the entire process there has been an omnipresent guidance from Higher Energies. 

For starters, the conversation with Rebekah’s parents.

Communication is a Blessing. 

When Rebekah’s parents asked for a bit of time to consider the phone call, I have to admit that I felt unsettled. My mind started pulling different kinds of triggers. Rebekah is well aware of some of my conditioning, with her support and guidance I crawled out of the rabbit hole to find an equanimous state of mind. 

In the meantime my work conditions kept deteriorating, overcoming the legal worker rights, to the point where one can wonder about human values. I am talking here about one of the most famous Australian thoroughbred stud farm. 

Again, the Universe provides, full of wisdom.

I set an intention : Getting out of the thoroughbreds racing industry. 

Friday afternoon 8th of August, interview for a new job. I am told 24h for an answer. 

Universe sensed that I was ready for a change, a change’s about to come.. 

Saturday evening, one week after the original message, Rebekah’s parents reached out to carry on with the phone call. 

Sunday morning, beautiful sunny day. Not a single cloud in the sky. As I wake up, an intense feeling of being held. Change is happening today, I feel it. 

Phone rings around midday. The conversation with Rebekah’s Mom and Dad is paved with compassion. Heart opening is the Intention on both sides. Afterwards I realized how much strength and courage it takes on their side to show open wounds, express vulnerability and still, with Love to a young man that they barely know. Taking on this Healing Journey for the Love of their daughter.

Love transcends. 

Is it actually only recently, as I am writing these words that I am FULLY able to put myself in their shoes, vibrating with empathy and compassion. I remember asking Rebekah « why are they not putting themselves in my shoes ? »

I understand now. Let me tell that IT IS A BLESSING to take on the first step and putting yourself into someonelse’s shoes. 

I am filled with Gratitude. 

What a lesson in the act of writing with an open heart.. 

Gratitude to the Universe. 

LOVE & COMPASSION are emanating Higher wavelenghts frequency. 

Conversation held in loving intentions, closured with unconditional support and Love. 

(Could potentially mention some part of the conversation in Groundless)

GRATITUDE. 

It is now the early afternoon, wind in its sails, things are in motion. 

Phone rings a second time..

Green light for the new job, my position is accepted. Cherry on top of the cake, I’m given 3 days before starting in the new role.  

It’s now my turn to make phone calls to leave my current position. 

An strong intuition was to call a good friend of mine before calling my boss in case conversation would go south and I’d find myself homeless for a few days.. 

My friend was ready to host me if something would happen. What a Blessing. 

Conversation with my boss lasted about 1 minute and 20 seconds. His reaction was driven by anger and feeling of loosing control over one of his workers. He threatened that he would make a particular effort to give me an awful reference for further employment and that I had to leave the farm RIGHT AWAY. 

My reaction ? FREEDOM

The burden on this place, unethical manners and disrespectful people, gone. My shoulders felt lighter, my lungs could breathe without obstruction anymore. 

A large smile illuminated my face. 

Called Rebekah euphoric while packing my stuff. During the conversation she shared her relief for me to walk away from a toxic work situation and her full support. Our energies synched into enthousiasme, celebration and of course Gratitude. 

An hour later I was getting picked up by my friend who not only hosted me for three days, but opened his home’s doors physically and figuratively. Made me feel part of his family. 
Story about the three days stay at L. to be read in Groundless. More than a friendship, a devotion to family. « Cuídate Viejo, cuídate 

70,000 years

Seven months in this life; 70,000 years approximately all up. Life after life, learning after learning, finding each other time and time. Even still, it is possible to miss each other in this lifetime. We miss each other physically, because we are apart, and we also miss each other’s intentions at times. 

There has been a strong spiritual energy around in recent days, and a huge amount has happened. There have been many amazing events that have happened:

  • Lucas talked to my parents (amazing connection).
  • Lucas listed my car for sale and is helping me purchase another one, whilst in another country.
  • Lucas finished his job abruptly because he was offered a better one and suddenly had to move accommodation, this meant he had to stay with a dear friend for a few days.
  • I have had general life busyness; exercise, work, housework, maintaining friendships and relationships, friends having challenges and trying to support as best I can.
  • Son turning 15!
  • Navigating preteen and teenager emotions.
  • Navigating a new job and figuring out the priorities for the first few months.

Lucas :

Reading Rebekah’s writing reminds me of a vision I had a couple of weeks ago. We were talking about past lives together and memories of it. 

Following the course of events that happened recently have been a bit of a marathon. 

Through the entire process there has been an omnipresent guidance from Higher Energies. 

For starters, the conversation with Rebekah’s parents (mentioned in the previous publication). 

Communication is a Blessing. 

When Rebekah’s parents asked for a bit of time to consider the phone call I have to admit that i felt a bit unsettled, my mind started pulling different kind of triggers. 

Suddenly I recovered a glimpse of a conversation we had on another plane, a higher dimension before this current incarnation.

Communication didn’t take place with words but a higher form of energetically, Soul conversation.

-« I will come find you

-I will wait for you »

I am ready

Lucas 

This past week has been hectic.. Right now, I feel like sitting in silence for the next 10 upcoming days. 

We finalized the application for the partnership visa. Few documents and medical checkups were missing, we now complied with everything so far and the application is getting processed by the Immigration services.

The following event was to reach out to Rebekah’s father. 

Her parents are struggling to accept me. Why ? Because of my age. The pace of our relationship raises concerns and worries. Love happening too fast.. Is it a thing ?

Seeing Rebekah torn between judgments and resentment from her parents I asked her what could I do in this situation.

She said :  « what just sprung up is a bit weird, but  you could talk to my dad »

(See messages shared in Groundless)

I already wanted to a few weeks ago, when still in New Zealand, to get a chance to open myself to them and pour my heart out. 

I can put myself in their shoes and understand quite a lot. The only thing I’m asking for is a chance to be myself, to have time and space to show myself loud and clear before getting judged or facing resentment.. 

Who knows.. In their hearts, deep down themselves they might have already welcomed me. 

Time will tell. 

I Surrender. 

The conversation with Rebekah’s father is leading towards a phone call. At the moment it’s logistically complicated to organize a conversation face to face as I remain in Australia. 

The last main event (but not least), is my work situation. The place I’m working for at the moment has changed a lot and seemingly lost some human values. I don’t recognize it anymore.

I feel some strong guidance here. Entering a shifting process that is opening the path towards my goals. I feel this period of change as a message from the Universe. It is time for an internal change and here are the prémisses. 

Connect with my aim, surrender to my Intention. 

I feel in the right place at the right time even though it’s a challenging position. 

Shift operates for me to get rid of something to allow something better, greater, more aligned to come into my life. 

My intention is to get out of the thoroughbred industry to focus on equine therapy. Healing with Horses. 

Time to adapt. To find myself and feel myself. 

The last time I experienced a similar shifting situation was a few days before I met Rebekah.. It led me to meet the Love of my Life. 

It’s happening, we are growing, evolving, and it is happening fast. 

 I AM READY. 

Bex

Wow… that’s a hard act to follow. So much internal navigation and reflection. I Love than man.  I reflect on my journey, and conditioning. My mind has been worried about our Love not being accepted by people, my family in particular. It’s hard to describe how brave I think Lucas is for taking a step towards my parents.   I feel that devotion and commitment deeply. I think that some of my fears about our relationship are being mirrored by my Mum and Dad, they have a deep love for me. Gabby Bernstein in her book Super Attractor emphasises that the energy we carry—especially fear—attracts matching experiences. If we have a fear of abandonment, failure, or unworthiness, we may unconsciously attract situations that reinforce those feelings, even in loving relationships. This is a big piece of inner work for me. 

I have started a new job, and I have been reflecting on what should be my priorities for the first three months. And in addition to that, ensure that Lucas and I are working towards achieving what we must achieve in this life together. I figure that we surrender together and keep doing our inner work.

A question I have asked myself today, reflecting on the teachings of Dr Wayne Dyer, is how can I best serve the Universe?

Part of serving the Universe is being relentlessly true to myself, and my Knowing. I don’t know what the future holds. I know that not everyone will “get it”, and that’s ok. That really is ok. I surrender.

I know I am drawn to supporting women, and have always found opportunities to do this. I know I want to celebrate women, and provide insights and tools for long term health through the woman lifecycle. I know I want to create a sanctuary and space for people to safely retreat, and heal.

This is not a very funny blog entry, and we are not teasing each other about creatine or procrastinating, or losing each other at the airport, we are not working through any deep personal emotions, yet we are working through how we fit in the world as individuals and as a unit.

I AM READY TOO

Hide and seek

Friday afternoon, Rebekah is landing in 15 minutes. Message from her, my heart skips a beat, is she already there??  Have I missed her walking out the airport’s gates ???

No, I’m still on time, just a message that says she’s flying over Melbourne. She’s so close to land!! As I’m about to get dropped at the airport I look up and see a plane approaching the tarmac for landing. Think to myself. I think I saw your plane just now, you might be flying over my head.

Get dropped on time, the only thing I have to do now is wait for her to walk out the gates.

I am highly excited, I can’t wait to wrap my arms around her. 

She texts and describes in detail how the airport sucks from lack of efficiency in the passport lanes. 

I’ve seen every single passenger of every single plane that landed in the last hour walking out of these gates but her.. 

In an attempt to make her laugh and cope with the inefficient lanes I tease her with a few jokes, such as “did you have too many coffees or is it good ol’Bertha?”. Bertha is the name of her PMS…. Response:

You’re brave.. 

Throat tightens, have I awakened the beast?..

I focus on the gate, she’s walking out any moment now. But wait a second, there is another gate which other people come out of.

If I stop looking for a split second she’s gonna walk out, and if I’m staring at the wrong door I’m gonna miss her! What should I do?

No time to think, phone beeps again “where are you?”

No way, she hasn’t walked out yet, I scanned every single person walking before my eyes. 

A dramatic scene is about to unfold here.. 

“I’m out, where are you?”

Mission failed, how could I have not noticed her walking out? She must have flown under the radar..

Phone rings :

– “Where are you?”

– “I’m standing by the gate waiting for you to walk out”.

– “I AM out” (describes where she is and it looks like exactly where I am too) 

– “Do you see this person with the welcome sign?”

– “Yes I’m right next to him!”

I managed to identify her (finally) as I walked towards the sign, and then it hit me. She is so tiny that I couldn’t see her before the guy’s sign was hiding her. 

I couldn’t see her walk out the gate because of her tininess. Someone walking beside her must have hidden her in a way that I couldn’t see.

That plus focusing on the joke making was a very efficient way to miss out on her..

So there is a tutorial if you ever wonder ‘how to miss your partner walking out of the airport’, results guaranteed. 

Bex

Yes, it was hilarious that he didn’t see me walk out, perhaps I walked too fast or was camouflage.

This just makes for another fun memory for us. Over the past few months I have learnt to open up to a man like I never have before, this is the power of both of us being vulnerable and totally surrendering to Love. Scary? Fuck yes. 

In a strange dynamic world, I have also had this dual experience happening where I have been grieving a marriage break up;  house move and sale; trying to manage on my own. But more importantly, trying to navigate a sad daughter and a pushing-the-limits son. The son is coming into his own a bit and I see him stretching his creative wings, his independence, and starting to trust himself that he is good and has good ideas. I am teaching him to Love himself and I’m teaching him that adults are people too. We make mistakes, we hurt, we grieve, we get back up. 

The daughter I’m trying to support with Love and fully accepting her journey, she finds it hard to accept the break up, and finds it hard to accept Lucas. This is obviously completely normal and understandable for a child. I sometimes feel as though I’m knocking on a glass door trying to reach her. I can see her, but not hold that little hurt spirit in a healing way. My intention is to continue to heal myself and to share all the Love and learning with her, and show her what it means to Love herself, by loving myself.

Lucas has good insight and we talk through everything, even when it’s confronting and painful, especially then…

And mostly I realise that he is the person I want to talk to the most.

Number 2

Bex: 

I remember the first time I saw Lucas, it was the 19th January. There was an instant bodily reaction for me. He was walking out of the prayer room of the yoga premises with a group of monks and I naturally thought he was a monk too. I spoke briefly to him as I was leaving the kirtan that night, he told me he was working for another week and heading to Australia to live. All in all a pleasant interaction. 

The spiritual energy I had been cultivating since New Years was building up and I knew I was on the verge of something big (it will take more than a blog post to unpack that),  so I have started to write a book called Groundless. 

The next week I headed along to the full session of yoga, kirtan, and a meal. My sum culpa, my intention, for my yoga practice that afternoon was to Be Open – open to love and grace and miracles.

He was there! That was a surprise. I was so aware of him all throughout the kirtan and the talk by the yogi. As we lined up for the meal, I was compelled to approach him. I said, ‘I feel like I know you’. The rest is history really. There hasn’t been a day go by without connecting to Lucas. I have known his soul for millennia and we just found each other again in this lifetime.

Obviously in our soul agreement to find each other again we may not have considered some of the complexities we were about to face that comes with different life experience and age gap. And I can honestly say that I still don’t know how that will work out. I know that I love him. I know my nervous system is calm around him. I know that he is the first man that I have not had a doubt about the depth of connection and feelings for. I know that I have been given a beautiful gift.

There are some learnings for us for this lifetime.

I have had a spiritual breakthrough this week, an epiphany. For months I have felt guilt and shame around the break up of my marriage and family. I have felt self judgment in particular. What I have come to realise is that even if a relationship is ‘ok’ and seems to have ‘gotten better’ in the past couple of years,  it still didn’t feel right in my Soul. It was ok to end it. For no other reason. Than the fact that it is not right for my Soul. This is OK. This is self love in its highest form for me. One of the reflections that I had was that I had been going with my ‘knowing’, but my mind and conditioning made me believe that I was a person who may have gone against my values because I instigated the break up of my marriage. But what became clear to me, like a lightening strike, is that my Values include Love and Women Empowerment. These are underpinned by Courage, Compassion, and Curiosity. Therefore to go against what I knew and to carry on in a relationship that wasn’t right for me was going against my values! Mic drop moment for me.

Lucas has been away from me physically, but never spiritually, and I’ve enjoyed learning about what I can do on my own: burst pipes with a flooded house; broken washing machine; car issues; managing Airbnb, overseas student, work, kids, exercise (built my own home gym); self learning through reading and reflection, but mostly kids and relationships. I’ve loved the experience and am so grateful to feel and experience it all.

Lucas : 

Alright, feels like it’s my turn to share some background and hereabout to put perspective into the reading of our journey. 

I have been a full time backpacker for the past 10 years. Working here, travelling there, cruise along with wind. Identifying with parts of different cultures that would echo deep inside and integrate to make me remember who I am, where I come from. Like if every culture had a fragment of identity to take from to solve the Soul exploration journey. (A lifelong journey). 

Rumbling from country to country with nothing to hold me back, fully committed, relying on myself only. 

For my 23rd birthday, in a tiny village up in the mountains in Ecuador I took a statement to myself. Bought a ring that I am wearing ever since as a symbol of unity. Being One, being whole. A round ring, symbolism of cycles like night and day. Rising and Falling of Light and Darkness, the Sun and the Moon. Everything is cyclical, comes back where it started. Where does everything start ? WITHIN. 

This union with myself marked the full awareness of living for myself, with myself. Stepped into a major Healing process. With great power comes great responsibility, right? Putting myself in the first place cultivating the constant practice of selflessness acts. Do I feel right doing this ? What is my intention ? Am I coming from a place of Love, Compassion or is my Ego driving me ? 

Travelling made me become responsible, mature and capable and adaptable. Aware that everything is possible, every situation is manageable. When received from the Heart life is the most wonderful journey; when received from the Mind (conditioning) trigger always makes everything look like a struggle. 

The Inner journey Awoken. 

Let’s now fast forward a bit. 

Blurry period arises, I find myself feeling lonely at all times. Nothing could fill the void inside my chest. 

I am LOST.

Headed “home” looking for a safe place to reconnect with my roots. All I found there were  challenges with my family. Daily conditioning triggers. Intensified loneliness among friends and a savior syndrome  embodiment through a second attempt relationship. All well known patterns to fall into. The Universe knew.. CHAOS :  EXACTLY WHAT WAS NEEDED.

What choices where left ? Resist, fight, swim again the current and lose myself for good OR embrace life, surrender to the current to carry me and show the way. 

Mid 2023 I made up my mind : Let’s walk. 

Santiago de Compostella (James’ Way) is a pilgrimage going across France and Spain about 1600 km long. “That should keep me busy for a while”

One day while walking across Spain a random encounter whim a Kiwi guy talking about horses. All became suddenly clear. New Zealand, this is where I am drawn to. For the first time in ages the decision felt right, this was the place. 

A whole bunch of experiences happened in between.. This would be something to read in Groundless. 

… 

11th of January, flying back from Australia to New Zealand. I have always been comfortable with my sexuality, cultivating an open mind. 

Swingers club was an experience I intended to try. I’ve always thought to myself that this is a personal experience I should have before settling down with the right person. 

Here we are, 15th of January 21:30 I find myself walking into a swingers club. Details are irrelevant and can be spared as the substantial part of the story unfolds the very next day. 

16th of January I am walking down Queen St in Auckland when a lady catches my attention. We start talking about yoga, Vipassana meditation and kirtan..

-“Oh, I haven’t sang kirtan in ages (since 2021 in Guatemala), it would be a true happiness to sing again!” 

– “We are hosting kirtan every Sunday at this place, you are most welcome to join us!”

After taking the details of the event, about to walk away the lady intercepted me again and said :

-“You should become a monk.. You work with horses, you are able to connect with horses, you are able to connect with people the same way.”

On my way I go, deeply confused by this last encounter suggesting to become a monk when remembering vividly the activities of the previous night.. What a paradox. Sacred intervention?.. 

Although confused I felt held and strongly guided by a Higher Energy (the Higher Self ?) Felt fully heart centered again.

A few days later I was meeting Rebekah for the first time who at first sight, mistook me for a monk…

(Are you while reading starting to put all the pieces together ?)

Her (omni) presence was radiating, her energy was glowing. Beaming light into the room. 

At this very moment I resonated with the decision taken on the pilgrimage to come to New Zealand. Everything has been in harmony and coherence leading to this specific moment.

We hope that perhaps everyone gets to experience Love like this in their lifetime.

Here we are, after months of wondering about starting a blog to share our adventures, it is finally time to take a deep breath a get typing.. 

Lucas:

To get some context here and set the picture, I am writing these words on FaceTime to Rebekah who’s actually in the shower while I am having a mildly cold soup directly from the pot. Right now she is brushing her teeth and waving at me. Yes, she is mesmerizing.. The cutest, she is trying her best to say something, trying to articulate during flossing. But there it is, nothing is impossible, information came through: The water in the shower is finally warm. 

I guess the famous saying makes full sense here, sharing is caring. 

Out of the furnace now, she is back on screen red as a lobster. 

The happiest person in the world to show me how loose her jammies pants are, combined with the storytelling about the said jammies falling down mid legs while lecturing a bunch of stoned teenagers yesterday evening.. 

She is now summoning me for the 23rd time over the last two minutes and a half to share the writing so she can put it on a google doc.. 

To be continued 

So, « WE » is Rebekah 45 (New Zealand woman) and Lucas 27 years old (Frenchman)…

Bex: 

We met at a Yoga practice, once briefly, and the next week more intensely. The rest is history.

It felt like we had known each other forever. It felt like we had lived lives together before. We have been inseparable in spirit ever since.

For now though, we are managing a long distance reality. He came to New Zealand for two months to visit me. I thought between marriage breakup, a really edgy fourteen year old son, an anxious ten year old daughter, and a big full time job in Health Management, AND unsure family members,  that he would run for the hills. Now we are trying to work out the partners visa process.

He has accepted the challenge and I think there is some pathology there, but I am grateful he has. He is calm, and funny, and moody,  and solid, and insightful, and willing to work through challenging conversations brought about by conditioning, and he is great at communicating. 

Lucas :

She is solar, determined in any matter she undertakes, some would define it at “stubbornness”, I would certainly agree. 

Other than that she independent and vulnerable, brave and courageous (expect when it’s about eating kidneys which are very good for health, but we’ll get back on this topic later on).

I could go rambling on and describe her for pages but that wouldn’t even the way she is seen within my heart. I’ll get straight to the point.

Most of all she is a Witch, she has always been. Not the kind of witch with a hairy pimple on her nose with a scary scraped hat, but the kind that casts spells to make your day brighter. Her magic wand spreads smiles everywhere she goes, anyone who interacts with her sees his life changed forever. Her hands are soft from crafting mixtures in her cauldron, her favorite one is commonly known as chicken salad). What about her flying broom.. It’s parked in the garage, she hopped on it every single morning but stays immobile (I think she forgot to put it in gear..) Whether it’s a flying broom or a simple fixed ground cross trainer, seeing the smile on her face when hopping on it undeniably makes my day. 

Oh, one last thing, the whole cross trainer ritual happens before I even wake up..

Being pathological is the best turn of events that could have ever happened to me.. 

Has the witch cast an insanity spell on me ? I guess we’ll never know, I am happy, and evenly, grateful the way it is. 

–

Bex:

In my defence about the  face is red from the sauna, not the hot shower..

He was looking so pleased with himself as he was writing. Now I see why.

He doesn’t tell you how he spent at least half an hour telling me to eat kidneys and liver because they are good for my kidneys, and not to eat protein supplements or creatine because they are evil white powder….

Lucas :

Indeed, I couldn’t describe how much of a titanic task it is to intend taking some sense into Rebekah. Taking white powder EVERY DAY, made of residual ground dead cows feels somehow healthier and more appropriate than having actual meat full of iron, protein, collagen and other nutrients.. 

Her defense ? Science. 

Science says it’s good, let take it !

Same science that said a few years ago that creatine had a terrible incidence on kidneys.. Start feeling the irony of it ? 

Anyway, she took a step towards me admitting she’d be willing to have kidneys with me. I was asking for once a week to reduce the incidence of the evil white powder, she conceded to once in a lifetime. What a bargain..

I guess one day I’ll unfortunately have a chance to quote the worldwide famous Doctor in Physics S. Cooper. 

“I told you so” saying mortified as entering the surgery theatre to operate a kidney transplant and get her a fresh new one. 

Unconditional Love, right ?

Bex:

Haha, this is a learning and teaching moment for both of us. Expect a literature review on the benefits of protein and creatine for long term health coming your way. 

It is fortunate that he is my best friend and I love talking to him about everything. We are good at working through things together, and we realise that we are humans with conditioning and histories that make us who we are today.