Bex:
I remember the first time I saw Lucas, it was the 19th January. There was an instant bodily reaction for me. He was walking out of the prayer room of the yoga premises with a group of monks and I naturally thought he was a monk too. I spoke briefly to him as I was leaving the kirtan that night, he told me he was working for another week and heading to Australia to live. All in all a pleasant interaction.
The spiritual energy I had been cultivating since New Years was building up and I knew I was on the verge of something big (it will take more than a blog post to unpack that), so I have started to write a book called Groundless.
The next week I headed along to the full session of yoga, kirtan, and a meal. My sum culpa, my intention, for my yoga practice that afternoon was to Be Open – open to love and grace and miracles.
He was there! That was a surprise. I was so aware of him all throughout the kirtan and the talk by the yogi. As we lined up for the meal, I was compelled to approach him. I said, ‘I feel like I know you’. The rest is history really. There hasn’t been a day go by without connecting to Lucas. I have known his soul for millennia and we just found each other again in this lifetime.
Obviously in our soul agreement to find each other again we may not have considered some of the complexities we were about to face that comes with different life experience and age gap. And I can honestly say that I still don’t know how that will work out. I know that I love him. I know my nervous system is calm around him. I know that he is the first man that I have not had a doubt about the depth of connection and feelings for. I know that I have been given a beautiful gift.
There are some learnings for us for this lifetime.
I have had a spiritual breakthrough this week, an epiphany. For months I have felt guilt and shame around the break up of my marriage and family. I have felt self judgment in particular. What I have come to realise is that even if a relationship is ‘ok’ and seems to have ‘gotten better’ in the past couple of years, it still didn’t feel right in my Soul. It was ok to end it. For no other reason. Than the fact that it is not right for my Soul. This is OK. This is self love in its highest form for me. One of the reflections that I had was that I had been going with my ‘knowing’, but my mind and conditioning made me believe that I was a person who may have gone against my values because I instigated the break up of my marriage. But what became clear to me, like a lightening strike, is that my Values include Love and Women Empowerment. These are underpinned by Courage, Compassion, and Curiosity. Therefore to go against what I knew and to carry on in a relationship that wasn’t right for me was going against my values! Mic drop moment for me.
Lucas has been away from me physically, but never spiritually, and I’ve enjoyed learning about what I can do on my own: burst pipes with a flooded house; broken washing machine; car issues; managing Airbnb, overseas student, work, kids, exercise (built my own home gym); self learning through reading and reflection, but mostly kids and relationships. I’ve loved the experience and am so grateful to feel and experience it all.
Lucas :
Alright, feels like it’s my turn to share some background and hereabout to put perspective into the reading of our journey.
I have been a full time backpacker for the past 10 years. Working here, travelling there, cruise along with wind. Identifying with parts of different cultures that would echo deep inside and integrate to make me remember who I am, where I come from. Like if every culture had a fragment of identity to take from to solve the Soul exploration journey. (A lifelong journey).
Rumbling from country to country with nothing to hold me back, fully committed, relying on myself only.
For my 23rd birthday, in a tiny village up in the mountains in Ecuador I took a statement to myself. Bought a ring that I am wearing ever since as a symbol of unity. Being One, being whole. A round ring, symbolism of cycles like night and day. Rising and Falling of Light and Darkness, the Sun and the Moon. Everything is cyclical, comes back where it started. Where does everything start ? WITHIN.
This union with myself marked the full awareness of living for myself, with myself. Stepped into a major Healing process. With great power comes great responsibility, right? Putting myself in the first place cultivating the constant practice of selflessness acts. Do I feel right doing this ? What is my intention ? Am I coming from a place of Love, Compassion or is my Ego driving me ?
Travelling made me become responsible, mature and capable and adaptable. Aware that everything is possible, every situation is manageable. When received from the Heart life is the most wonderful journey; when received from the Mind (conditioning) trigger always makes everything look like a struggle.
The Inner journey Awoken.
Let’s now fast forward a bit.
Blurry period arises, I find myself feeling lonely at all times. Nothing could fill the void inside my chest.
I am LOST.
Headed “home” looking for a safe place to reconnect with my roots. All I found there were challenges with my family. Daily conditioning triggers. Intensified loneliness among friends and a savior syndrome embodiment through a second attempt relationship. All well known patterns to fall into. The Universe knew.. CHAOS : EXACTLY WHAT WAS NEEDED.
What choices where left ? Resist, fight, swim again the current and lose myself for good OR embrace life, surrender to the current to carry me and show the way.
Mid 2023 I made up my mind : Let’s walk.
Santiago de Compostella (James’ Way) is a pilgrimage going across France and Spain about 1600 km long. “That should keep me busy for a while”
One day while walking across Spain a random encounter whim a Kiwi guy talking about horses. All became suddenly clear. New Zealand, this is where I am drawn to. For the first time in ages the decision felt right, this was the place.
A whole bunch of experiences happened in between.. This would be something to read in Groundless.
…
11th of January, flying back from Australia to New Zealand. I have always been comfortable with my sexuality, cultivating an open mind.
Swingers club was an experience I intended to try. I’ve always thought to myself that this is a personal experience I should have before settling down with the right person.
Here we are, 15th of January 21:30 I find myself walking into a swingers club. Details are irrelevant and can be spared as the substantial part of the story unfolds the very next day.
16th of January I am walking down Queen St in Auckland when a lady catches my attention. We start talking about yoga, Vipassana meditation and kirtan..
-“Oh, I haven’t sang kirtan in ages (since 2021 in Guatemala), it would be a true happiness to sing again!”
– “We are hosting kirtan every Sunday at this place, you are most welcome to join us!”
After taking the details of the event, about to walk away the lady intercepted me again and said :
-“You should become a monk.. You work with horses, you are able to connect with horses, you are able to connect with people the same way.”
On my way I go, deeply confused by this last encounter suggesting to become a monk when remembering vividly the activities of the previous night.. What a paradox. Sacred intervention?..
Although confused I felt held and strongly guided by a Higher Energy (the Higher Self ?) Felt fully heart centered again.
A few days later I was meeting Rebekah for the first time who at first sight, mistook me for a monk…
(Are you while reading starting to put all the pieces together ?)
Her (omni) presence was radiating, her energy was glowing. Beaming light into the room.
At this very moment I resonated with the decision taken on the pilgrimage to come to New Zealand. Everything has been in harmony and coherence leading to this specific moment.
moiettoi 